Seeds

So I’ve decided to end paid subscriptions. Partly to liberate myself to post as I feel moved to and partly because I want to just relax here while I find my relationship with the platform. That said I want to thank my paid subscribers deeply, it’s meant so much to have your support.

There has been a lot of change in the last year, bitter sweet and revelatory. As the layers of grief gently peel away and the enormous love and joy that wants to be shared emerges I return to a sensitivity and ferocity that I haven't felt since I was very young. Until now I haven’t had the resources or perhaps the discomfort to be able to stay with and hold my whole being solidly. The learning of this time is so rich. I want to give space to seeds I have held for years. I want to plant them and tend to them and watch them unfold as seeds are want to do. I want to let them grow at their pace and keep them company.

Seeds are potent manifestations. Full of potential, in themselves they are without hope or fear they simply respond to the relational context in which they find themselves. Orienting towards growth even in impossible conditions. Little acorn above holds an oak tree and has burst open, the water, cold and light have initiated its journey but it landed on the path and so it’s unlikely to become an oak tree. Instead it gets to star in this post as an example of a really beautiful expression of life and a reminder that we’re all doing the best we can where we are. Other acorns are destined to feed squirrels and still others to nourish the soil. We don’t get to control that. I’m grateful for this little seed for its guidance and support in my journey today. Our attachment to outcomes speak to why we fear to open up - the cracking of armour, the chaos of emergence and the effort of rooting and shooting - it’s a lot! How bold and tender the attempt. In my early life there were many seeds, including babies who could not develop into their full potential for whatever reason. There is grief in this of course, intense and painful and yet each of these seeds is also a gift, a teacher and an ancestor. They remind us of the richness and mystery of this transient physical matter reality. Things happen and there is something else, quiet beyond life and death that holds it all. We get to hold it all and lean into life’s plan for us and our relationship to that plan and the learning it offers us. In that wholeness we get to be held always, no matter what our circumstances.

For all of you who are attending to seeds here is a song for your journey. Bless their potential, all fullness and all emptiness. Thank you for reading.